attempts

After feeling unappreciated for my somewhat mechanical behaviour, I've tried to make an effort to come across as a little more of a person with opinions, up until the moment i become owned. Chatting with a new contact who seemed rather friendly and unceremonious, i tried to explain a little better where i'm coming from. His comment came as: you talk a lot for a slave. i felt mortified and apologised and once again retracted in my standard reactive mode of communication where i feel safer. Annoyingly he contacted me the night before i was scheduled to leave for Beijing for 3 weeks so any chance of meeting up is suspended until my return.