detachment

i think one of the things that gets masters puzzled upon first meeting me is my apparent detachment. i approach all such situations as a white canvas. i know nothing of my prospective owner and i stubbornly refuse to bring much input into anything that's going on. i do mention briefly the sort of approach that's exposed in more details on these pages but i just can't bring myself to say i like this situation and that situation and i want to do this and that.

the only choice i really wish to have is whether to stay or leave. requests for what i like or am willing to do get me confused and at a loss for answers.

once i met a master and after a brief chat he took me to a sex shop and sent me off to get 3 toys i would want him to use on me. i started looking around and i immediately lost all interest and asked to be allowed to leave. It all seemed pointless to me. He probably wanted to know more about me but his perverse attempt to turn a tool for his enjoyment into a person with desires destroyed the whole idea and as my feelings where then relevant, i then felt that there was no need for me to stick around anymore.

Also after first chatting to somebody and expressing my interest in meeting, i just can't go back to them and ask why we haven't met yet or run after them. i initiate first contacts but can't initiate a second one. It's not out of pride or lack of interest, i just feel that it has to be up to a Master to choose to use me and for me to suggest it would be requesting something that he doesn't think he wants. And what's the point of that