i have finally met my therapist. After some initial hostility on my part, felt and expressed, things started to work quite well. Unfortunately i will only start seeing her at the end of september once we are both back from our holidays.
After merely one hour i already felt a certain link had started to develop and our communication had adopted the confident tones of a better explored and tested relationship. After hearing me talk about myself she suggested we meet twice a week. When i admitted i had anticipated meeting only once a week, she replied with a sceptical "oh no", suggesting: a crackpot like you...
on my way home it dawned on me how much therapy is similar to a D/s relationship. At least in the way it is meaningful for me. Both relationships are based on one party (me in both cases) exposing himself, letting go of all protections and accepting, embracing even, his vulnerability.
I am not excited by fear, i'm excited by safety. Having no need whatsoever to protect myself from someone else. Trusting another person to the point that you can hand yourself over to them without a second thought. Ceasing to exist as an isolated human being, letting your mind dissipate and your body be governed by this person. becoming, in other words, Him.
My recent doubts and uncertainties are because i'm losing the will to communicate, to trust and to experience this fearless safety. People change and after you've removed your mind from your body there is a very real possibility that when your master has grown tired of you and moved on to the next toy to catch his attention, there will be nothing left of you.
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