today i lost it big time. i'm not designed to be in social situations. i'm made to be kept in my little cage, let out only when needed and then put back in straight after. i feel i could possibly find happiness in the safety of this confinement with my Master being the only person to hold the key to my world.
at the moment the door is wide open and i just can't handle it.
tonight i feel the lowest of the low. like i had no real place among humans. i'm on a completely different level while He is so Perfect that quite literally i'm not worth coming anywhere near Him. and yet i was. near Him. and i felt so out of place. i felt so bad about myself.
how absurd to fantasise that he could love me.
for a while i felt so happy when i thought that He might actually like *me*. over a year ago. i feel so stupid now. it only lasted 2 weeks but those 2 weeks were... there are no words. i have never experienced such happiness. how sad He later pointed out they had meant nothing to Him.
nothing.
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