Saturday, December 2, 2006

patterns

It's become very difficult this last couple of days to keep working out. My resolve to work on improving my body has waned a little as my strengths have sort of drained out of me. I feel that i need to find a solution to the current situation or reach some sort of clear closure but even communicating with David is not very easy, nor is having some proper time to get to anything resembling a conclusion.

This is the weekend that i was supposed to be in Glasgow and the fact that he's on a holiday with his boyfriend instead keeps messing with my head. i have no intention of getting involved in a situation with a boyfriend who doesn't know about me. I hate to have to be this assertive but he must take a decision and can't keep me in this limbo for much longer.

As i approach possibly the end of this ownership that's never had a proper chance to lift off, i feel emptied and disappointed. I know, though, that i'll keep following my heart in these matters, taking bad decision after bad decision. That seems to be my pattern and i'm resigned to it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi slave Tim, I have read you writings on here and on S4M for a while and let me say at the outset I am not after usng you. I was glad you had found your master, but you have to recognise that he is not putting any effort into it. Both sides must make effort. I have been around a long time and can see a bad situation when it is staring me in the face.So must you. Distance is not good for such a relationship. I am subuser on s4m. Good luck