Saturday, November 25, 2006

the other me

My boyfriend has been gone for so long that i don't know what things will be like when he comes back. On the one hand it seems to me that we can't go back exactly to where we were before he left to do his research now a year and a half ago.

Maybe we will seamlessly fall back into our old routine but i have my doubts. For one thing, my understanding of my need to serve has become stronger over this time and i think he realises that, or at least he realises it's there to stay.

The relationship we had before he left is going to have to change towards understanding that a Master's role - given that a meaningful M/s relationship develops for me - is going to be important in my life. it's not a hobby that i dedicate time to every now and again (which is sort of how he's seen this in the past), but this person is going to be important for me and will occupy, even dominate, areas that were previously my and my boyfriend's territory.

I realise this puts a strain on my relationship with him but it's quite clear to me that it can't be avoided and i think he will understand - or at least try to. This will mean clearly defining the areas that are ours alone. It's quite a hard task and i'm aware i'm not making his life very easy but i don't have a back-up plan for now.

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