Tonight a man kindly said he thought i had the heart of a slave. I feel touched when people say that but i don't know how i feel about it, if i think it's true or not. At times i feel like a fraud, at times like this when my Master has ignored me and i feel that my feelings have been hurt. The lesson that a slave is irrelevant when not needed is one that's not easily learnt for me and like a hurt pup i sit in my corner feeling miserable, waiting for my Master to return.
At times like this i don't feel cut out to be a slave, i just feel emotionally immature and codependent. i'm not very good at suppressing these emotions that i recognise as overly self-centred to be those of a good slave whose only concern should be his Master's pleasure.
So i try to teach myself to get over myself, i remind myself that all of this is irrelevant and that all this sadness will vanish the minute He addresses me again.
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