absence

Some time ago, on the Slave Register, a slave asked: how much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub. The slave in question was feeling a little frustrated by what little time her master was spending with her and was looking, i suppose, for someone to confirm that something was wrong with her situation.

I felt that this topic was very well within the remit of my expertise and replied to that post in the way that rings true to my heart: as happy as i am to spend time with my Master, i find a way to enjoy spending time away from Him, and that is by knowing that at any time i'm keeping myself available for when He calls on me. At any given time, i'm satisfying my role as His slave by being ready to serve. This is the way things go between us: when He wants to see me, He calls me and i go to Him. When i want to see Him, I gaze outside my window longingly and hope He'll call me to Him.

The fact that my method sucks and His gets me to His front door when He wants is part and parcel of the disparity between us, so something that i can't be upset about. The fact that i have no way of controlling when i see Him and He can see me whenever He wants defines our relationship and reinforces my service to Him. This is the way that i find to "enjoy" the long periods of time i sometimes have to spend without seeing Him.

Well, that is the theory. And i can live by that theory most of the time, but sometimes things get that little bit harder. And when they start to get hard, they spiral downwards pretty quickly until i find myself unable to refrain from sending Master messages hinting to the fact that i'm anxiously waiting to see Him. Is that passive-aggressive? I don't know. Maybe just passive. I have no other way to channel the emotions stirred up by my desire to see Him when they start to get out of control.

Absence, like chastity, is hard to manage because it's characterised by a void, a negative space, an emptiness which, by its very definition, gives you nothing to hold or focus on, which means you have to create that certain something to work with, such as in this case is represented by the service, the obedience, those containers that transform the void into something you can handle and better manage. Without them, you're just moving around in empty space with nothing to hold on to.