Saturday, September 24, 2005

the cloud and the silver lining

i have no idea how it's come about or if it's even real but all of a sudden i can sense the heavy shade of my L obsession finally lifting off.

As i am left walking the earth and looking up at the big cloud billowing up and away, the tingling feeling in my legs alerts me to an almost forgotten sensation: i'm regaining some of my strength and maybe the ability to stand on my own 2 feet.

It may all be an illusion or a temporary glitch in my mental functions. Maybe it's the flu or maybe it's the trip. Maybe it's the powerful effect of my first 2 therapy sessions or something i ate last night. Maybe it's because i've been staunchly fighting the urge to call him, text him, email him but for the first time we have spoken and i haven't felt it: that desire, so familiar, to become a nothingness in his hands. All of a sudden he has shed his immortal gown. Maybe he's not a superhero anymore and he's become like the rest of us mortals. What's done it, i don't know.

But true to my melancholic nature, i cannot rejoyce in this new found strength. Instead, i mourn the loss of a hero.

No comments: