Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Looking for action now

i feel very removed from the business of online interaction. Reconworld. After discussing with a friend how he tends to get stood up a lot by people he has met online and how this doesn't seem to happen to me that much, we've realised that, well, i don't really meet a lot of people and when i do it's never as a spur-of-the-moment must-have-you-now one-off fuck. Am i less spontaneous than that? Probably. A lot less. It's one thing meeting somebody in a real life situation and going off to do whatever it is that people do when they fancy each other. Quite another sitting in front of a computer and agreeing with one another on the basis of an online pic that you are actually going to go outside to have sex with this person who maybe used to look like the 5 year old picture he's attached to his message.

I suppose I should like this: the meat market approach to sex, but i don't. I guess i can see the interest in being approached as some piece of meat but i can't do the same to a master, it's completely meaningless to me. Unsurprisingly, giving up your own pleasure to purely focus on someone else's tends to be more rewarding when that someone else is somebody that you... i don't want to say "care about", but at least have some kind of human contact with.

I don't know, perhaps I'm all wrong. I can already hear the comments coming about this saying: if you are a slave, why should it matter that this is rewarding to you? So I have to ask myself: should it? Maybe then i'm not really a slave. Ultimately I'm being asked to take a decision, so, up until the moment that decision is taken I must exert some degree of free will and this is what comes out of that.

Wanna fuck? No, thanks. Truth be told, if i get an urge for such meaningless release of fluids, i'd much rather have a wank and be done with it.

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