the big C

There's been a little development lately.

In spite of my focus on providing service as a pleasure slave, I have recently been talking a lot to one particular man. A conversation that was initially about a very casual encounter, has evolved into something that's about as deep as I've gone with anyone in a long time and has brought up ownership again.

The man in question is much younger than me which has both fascinated me in terms of his enthusiasm and strong opinions and given me pause for thought. I have literally witnessed his discovery of his desire to own another human being.

As usual, when what happens to me involves someone else, I am reluctant to provide too much information about them other than what affects me directly and the thing that's definitely had a considerable effect on me is his growing interest in chastity.

From the beginning of our conversation he's been pointing out that if I'm interested in being a submissive and serving men, I should deny myself pleasure as much as possible. This has resonated with me a lot. I've always had an interest in the idea of chastity and have always thought that my own orgasms were a bit meaningless but I've always had, primarily, a weird physical response to it (ranging from discomfort to mild pain) and, secondarily, not much will power.

When chastity has been imposed on me by a man who had taken charge of me, I have accepted it and honoured the wishes of my betters (usually unaided by any device) but, to be perfectly honest, it has never occurred to me to self-impose chastity on myself.

And when this young man talks about chastity, he means Chastity with a capital C: permanent with no exceptions, no orgasms, no cum release, no prostate milking. The idea is that if you are a submissive you shouldn't be seeking pleasure for yourself or release any cum. You should give Men pleasure and that only Men should produce cum.

Is this an extreme position? I can't even tell anymore. It makes sense to me and it's humbling when someone considerably younger makes you open your eyes to something that you should have been onto for a while.

The question of whether permanent chastity is unhealthy is one that I haven't been able to find a definite answer to. Some advocate for the need to milk the prostate occasionally where others are sceptical of its importance.

Although any talk of ownership is currently on hold, I have been adhering to this new hardline for now coming up to 3 weeks. I had committed to those initially while ownership was being discussed. Even though it got postponed, I'm still sticking to my end of the bargain.

The first 10 days were probably the hardest but I seem to have settled into a good groove now and it does feel proper to focus on a Man's pleasure without seeking out any happy time of my own. This way, happy time is only when the Man i'm serving is experiencing pleasure and it feels good now to be focusing on that exclusively and accept that that's all there is for me.

I think very often people fetishise chastity -- I've done that for a long time too: you put on a chastity device and it's so hot you end up taking it off to have a wank. Waa-waa (sad trombone). I'm not claiming that this will be forever but for the moment it suits me fine and when I reach my mandatory 3 weeks, I'm not sure I will be in a hurry to stop. This constant state of horniness/frustration is a bit like being on a high. The hormones flow through me like drugs keeping me hypersensitive and making me refocus on my own life purpose as a submissive.