heavenly

Heaven, i'm in heaven... You know the song?

Well, I hate to brag but this is exactly how i've been feeling on the weekends I've been spending with my new Owner.

Yes, owned again and this time I'm on cloud nine. I'm sorry it has taken some time to update the blog with such major news. I'm going from a rather negative post to this. Well, such is life sometimes: full of surprises and unexpected turns. One of these surprises was meeting the man who has taken me on as his slave and filled my days with this intoxicating sense of safety and belonging.

A couple of months ago a dominant I was talking to said to me that previous Masters had "damaged" me. I didn't give this theory much credit at the time but now, as I'm confronted, day in, day out, with a Master who keeps filling me with an overpowering desire to keep serving him and belong to him, i have to reconsider my initially dismissive judgement, as an undefined something within me continues gnawing at my insides, making me fear that things will go wrong.

It seems i can't stop worrying about the way things will evolve. In spite of being reassured by events that nothing is going wrong, my insecurity keeps rearing its unattractive head and I keep fearing that I'll say or do something that will make him not want to continue owning me, leaving me lacking the protection and guidance that i'm beginning to grow familiar with, as it starts to permeate my everyday life.

So i guess that, despite my heavenly mood, i still haven't been able to fully relax and enjoy the sense of finally being welcomed into a space that is 100% me.