Wednesday, May 2, 2007

mal baisé

In the past, i think some doms have been impressed by my readiness to be walked all over purely on the basis of the fact that i was a submissive talking to a "superior". And i wasn't playing out a role even, i guess i was just the sort of guy who steps to one side to let someone bigger, or louder, walk past. These days things are a little different. Again, it's not as if i'm making a conscious effort in this respect but as my submissive self is experiencing a crisis of faith, i've started taking people's self-proclaimed dominance with a pinch of salt and i don't assume anyone is a true dom until i'm face to face with them and i can feel it on my skin. The other day i even went as far as giving someone a hard time over cancelling an appointment with me. It's not that people aren't allowed to cancel, but i don't like to be taken for granted. Not unless someone owns me. A man doesn't need to disrespect you in order to assert his dominance, and if i take it seriously when i arrange to meet someone, keep the evening free, tell my friends i'm busy, etc, i would expect the person i'm meeting to show me a similar standard of courtesy.

I sort of miss this feeling of humility, of feeling small. i stand by what i've written but re-reading it i can hear some readers think: you so need to be put back in your place and it's probably true...

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