booked

It's hard to define the borders between fantasy and reality when you deal in dreams and fantasies. I've talked to Mr Glasgow again and he's still the man that gets me the most. Maybe it's just because i've committed my soul to him that i can't seem to want to properly submit to anybody else.

I've been seeing someone recently, but it's very casual. There's no pretense that i'm his, that he owns me, etc. He has a very dominant personality, you put me and him in the same room and there's only one thing that could possibly happen. And that's what happens. But if he asked me to commit to him exclusively, i couldn't do it. Not that i see anybody else - although i must admit i've been trying to arrange a drink with somebody for several weeks now...

If i had to find a way to describe it, i'd say i'm his bitch. Well, i would be under the premise of our involvement being any more than purely casual. I do his bidding, i'm around to take care of what he wants taken care of, but i don't consider myself his slave at all, even though i allow myself to be overpowered by his dominance and manliness.

But my slave heart is in Glasgow and that's where it will remain, it seems. There's nothing to be done. Glasgow is the only man who gets my full unconditional attention. I don't seem to be able to get unhooked. He's the only one who makes me smile and cry. One nice word from him is everything and can fill me with joy, the same way that any inattention from him makes me feel hurt the way only he can.

Carrot and stick. Both are available in large amounts. What's missing completely is any opportunity to be face to face, to explore our dynamics and be who we are together in the same room. That's annoying when you think of it and when do i think of it? Every time he talks to me and he makes me wish i was hundreds of miles up north...