i have been hesitant to post blogs about what's been going on with me because it bordered on areas that i felt i shouldn't disclose. So i held on to what i was writing but now i'm feeling empty and need to let it go.
i hope that my Master, if he reads this, will not feel that i'm trying to push him but will simply understand that it's just my need to expose what i'm feeling.
[written sun 4 Dec 2005, 1pm]
it feels like i should start the process of re-owning myself. Every time i talk to my master i am more and more convinced that i want to continue to belong to him and wait, as long as it takes, but then there's no contact, for so long. And my slavery is all about the long wait, a long wait that seems to stretch forever.
A bad sign is i'm starting to feel that i have to shield myself from him, that i'm in for more hurt and disappointment.
Not to mention that my kidneys are killing me
[written sun 4 Dec 2005, 10am]
end of week 5.
i don't know what to do. He said i would see him this weekend but he hasn't contacted me and i have once again spent a weekend at home, waiting.
i feel sad. my blind trust in him is starting to crumble. He keeps telling me things that don't materialise and i don't know why or what i should do.
[written sat 26 Nov 2005, 11am]
i feel very sad.
This post will not go live until/unless i've discussed the issue with my master.
i'm at the end of my fourth week without having seen my owner. i miss him terribly and don't know what to do. it's not even like he doesn't want to see me, he was going to the other day but then he wasn't feeling well and had to cancel.
i feel stupid and a bad slave for being so impatient and needing so much attention, but now it's no longer just a matter of wanting to see him, i'm starting to feel sad again and lonely. i am of course as happy as can be when my master talks to me and he does that often recently, which i'm very grateful for, but i need contact, physical presence, seeing him and serving him.
Even the pain in my sides from 4 weeks in chastity is shifting from a welcome reminder of his ownership to just plain discomfort that's preventing me from functioning normally. My kidneys hurt when i move. i'm just broken from lack of use.
3 comments:
as a slave you should serve, not stop to live, not pushing or putting pressure to be used !
dont expect/wait for prince charming... live your own life would make you more interessing to interrupt and remind you of your slavery
LIVE
1) Well, after having become convinced that kidneys and chastity were not connected, after reading what you wrote, i'm now wondering why it is that slaves in chastity seem to have pain in their kidneys...
2) i can of course go out. what this post was referring to was the inability to plan to meet friends when i don't want to find myself in the situation where i have to cancel on them.
"... just an old whine of a weak slave looking for an excuse to get out of a chastity belt..."
this blog is about my experiences. there's no attempt to get out of anything, i'm just writing about what i experience. i don't understand the reason for your tone.
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