Monday, November 10, 2014

getting the fear

Recently an episode of Homeland prompted me to look at what's been going on with me recently. 

A character in the show opined that "men are always afraid their wives are secretly crazy and women are always afraid their husbands are really losers." 

Sidestepping the sexism of this statement that's not the topic of this blog, if we transpose those rigid expectations of gender roles to another equally... strike that, even more rigidly defined binary, that of a M/s relationship, which is more pertinent in this blog and with which we feel comfortable using such coarse paint strokes, could we state the same of a Master and his slave? That a Master secretly fears his slave is crazy and a slave that his Master is a loser?

Obviously I don't think that of dominant men but I have dealt with a fair amount of men, who having achieved such high accomplishments in life as selecting "100% active" from a dropdown list now feel that they are entitled to the utmost respect from me. 

I concede that the workings of polite BDSM society require those at the bottom of the pyramid to show respect to those in the higher echelons but I'm often faced with having to draw the line somewhere. 

I normally deal with all people with a modicum of respect and politeness. I reply politely to all polite (and many not so polite) messages. But when people deal with me in the way you would with whatever has popped out of the slot machine after you've pulled the lever expecting me to accommodate requests for photos and personal information to someone who hasn't so much as said hello before they proceed to pull the lever again and see what else pops out, I then do a bit of a U-turn and reconsider. 

Recently I've been a little unlucky with people who have approached me online. Two people were particularly bad. One made arrangements to see me on a particular day (in his own dungeon!), then when the day came, stopped replying to messages. The other made arrangements to see me on a particular day, then when the day came, I got sick and had to cancel for that day, and he stopped responding to messages. 

You see that there seems to be a pattern there. People have problems communicating. I suppose that's what's harder to deal with: you seek a connection to another human being but they just want a fuck and readily move to the next person when that fuck is not immediately available. It's as if the umbrella of online communication has made it impossible to deal with one another as actual human beings and has validated the worst rudeness as though it is now suddenly acceptable to deal with people as disposable fuck holes. 

Fair enough if that's all you're seeking from life but you see how the above mentioned fear can suddenly creep in? 
 

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

In my case, I'd say that masters worry that the slave thinks the master is a loser and the slave worries that the master thinks the slave is crazy. I'm under-employed because of a career setback, and looking at being unemployed in the fall. That really eats at me and makes it harder for me to feel dominant with my slave.

tim said...

Hi, thanks for the comment and sorry you're going through a tough time. I can understand what you're saying but even if your career situation is hitting a setback I think that by communicating effectively with your slave and remaining firmly in control of that relationship, the hardship in your career doesn't need to impact what you have with your slave. I bet he only wants to continue to feel that you're in control of him and you want him to continue staying in his place. I certainly didn't use a term like "loser" to refer to someone's career status. I think there are greater measures of a Man's character.
Good luck.