rise like a phoenix

I'm starting to move my first timid steps back into the world of Dominance and submission but not without a bit of a twist.

Over the last year I have been somewhat fascinated by something that I have come across and that I like to refer to as the 'fag mythology'. I will later on come back to look at this in more detail but, in a nutshell, I have noticed an increasing number of D/s sites and blogs centred around the mythological superiority of straight men over gay men and, by consequence, gay men's calling to live in service to them.

I must have stated this before but, being implicitly drawn to masculinity, straight men have always exerted significant appeal for me as the forbidden land of irresistible club-wielding beer-gulping, burping cavemen who watch sports games in their stained underwear.

I know, it's a horrible stereotype and I should really know better but I'm not as evolved as I like to let on and when dealing in fantasies, they tend to work better along un-nuanced black and white lines.

A few years ago I read a story by one of my favourite erotic writers out of an increasing contingent generously brought to us by the internet: Pete Brown. It was the story of an English electrician who moves to the Middle East to work on a lucrative contract for a multimillionaire slave-owning sultan and quickly adjusts to the local customs, accepting and actively engaging in the practice of slavery. As unlikely a premise as it may sound, it does make for rather compelling reading and Mr Brown is very good at creating rich and elaborate stories, albeit on a slightly repetitive template.

Part of the story is about a section of the sultan's palace where a selection of pleasure slaves are housed for the entertainment and comfort of the guests. The majestic residence has no shortage of servants in all types of roles but these slaves are trained exclusively for the sexual entertainment of the sultan's guests.

Something in that part of the story has always appealed to me. And it isn't just all the sex that's going on but, obviously, the underlying imbalance in the setup where one man is there to get off and the other's life revolves around being there to oblige. There is no violent bringing down of the slave but a very tactile exchange where the slave will even occasionally take the lead in ensuring that his visitor has a good time. I suppose it's not unlike the customer/whore scenario, with the only exception that here the slave gets no financial retribution: he's there to get the man off and when he's accomplished that, his job is done and the man leaves him there until another freeman needs him. Now, that sounds much better to me than a financial arrangement!

So these days I'm playing with that and indulging my little fantasy about straight men. I have figured that the world has no shortage of straight men who don't get as much head as they'd like, when they want and, out of those, a reasonable number will not be entirely averse to having a guy do that for them if it means they can have it whenever they want.

Enter moi.

However small you think the percentage of flexible straight guys is, it still works out to quite a few if you consider that there are a lot of straight people around! You quite literally can't swing a dead cat without hitting a few. The maths is sound, I'm telling you.

And it is entirely within my sphere of comfort to be available when these guys are in the mood, welcome them in my home, make them feel comfortable and give them what they are not getting enough of. When they are done, they feel satisfied, I feel good because I have proved useful and everyone is happy.

Obviously given that I am not a professional whore, I am limiting this arrangement to a very small number. I'm also favouring those who don't just want to get off but are a little responsive to the power dynamic. I'm fighting my natural urge to see only one man because I'm not looking for that level of exclusivity that in the past has been the cause of so much heartache but I'm once again allowing myself to feel that rush and that sense of accomplishment that comes from having served another's needs.

Having played the D/s game for a long time and having been stung so badly recently, this is currently as far as I'm willing to go. There are no slaves and no masters. All I need are a couple of good buddies to pop in every now and again. The when, as I've explained to them, is entirely up to them; within the constraints of when I am actually available - I know: bad, bad pleasure slave!

I've already met a couple of nice guys. One is getting more comfortable with the arrangement. He texts me when he's feeling horny and needs it taken care of. He's starting to refer to me as his little gay boy which I find cute and simultaneously kind of hot. Another guy I've seen once so far (this is all pretty new) but I had a very good time taking care of him.

One other guy I've only been talking to and is considerably more verbally dominant. I don't know if he's just talk or he'll come through. He does come up with some endearing names. He's referred to me as his cock pet, which I also found to neatly hit that cute/hot line.

This is what what I'm comfortable with at the moment, and I'm actually enjoying it. Gone are the days of emotionally consuming myself looking up to one Man to be the be-all and end-all of my submissive life. In the words of Frau Wurst, I rise, out of the ashes of my old slave self, a more confident person up for getting a bit of fun out of life and I've decided that there's nothing wrong with that.

Even for a submissive.