The blog hasn't got updated in a while. I say that as if it had nothing to do with me, as if i was checking from time to time to see if something new had been posted. Well, that's partly true, i've felt very detached from all that for quite some time, my desire to be a slave has left me for the most part. It's too complicated, too emotionally involving. I keep wondering how such a drastic change may have come about and i honestly have no idea. I am generally somebody quite hostile to change but this time i seem to have closed the door to anyone new. It's only when i talk to Mr Glasgow that i recognise myself and my desires again, he's the only one who reminds me what it's like to want to wear someone's collar.
A few years ago, when i was, let's say, in love, or infatuated, with L, i thought this would actually never change, that i'd always be susceptible to his charms and it actually did go on for quite some time but looking back on it, i've realised it's happened. And if i have to put my finger on it, it probably happened when he stopped being this perfect semi-god and became a human being with flaws, weaknesses, idiosyncrasies. It sounds awful to say that, like i don't allow him to be human, but he's never let me know and get close to the real him, he always has this shield up and i guess at some point i must have felt i'd had enough.
Mr Glasgow is still a semi-god for me. i have seen some of his weaknesses but i've either chosen to ignore them or their impact hasn't been all that devastating. Clearly they've made me stop waiting for him after the whole commotion at the beginning of the year but when i talk to him we don't fail to notice that those same channels of communication are still very much alive and deep down i cannot hide i still hope that one day there might be more. Surely life is bound to put us within the same four walls once more.
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