I'm not complaining, it would be ridiculous to. I brought all of this onto myself when i decided to take this trip. It was a bet i made and it's now fair to say i lost it. Such is life. But in spite of all the wasted time and the sadness i once again have in me, i can't say i regret taking the trip: it was important to find out and now i have.
Most importantly i don't regret the time, however short, that i spent with him finding an outlet for all the feelings that i had developed for him over the last couple of months and that i couldn't simply allow to soak back into my inner me. The happiness i felt online talking to him translated almost seamlessly to the happiness i felt with him next to me and the illusion was one of safety and belonging and that's what his presence allowed me to feel. It was all an illusion i indulged in. That's what i feed on and, like an altered state of consciousness, it was beautiful while it lasted. It is sad that it didn't last very long. Whatever he gave, he took away again.
On the morning of my final, third day in Glasgow, i once again prepared my body for him, not really believing that something might happen but still wanting to be prepared for the improbable. And at my most nostalgic i let myself be cradled by the agonizing notes of a tune i know very well:
lo dudo, que tú llegues a quererme como yo te quiero a ti,
lo dudo, que halles un amor más puro como el que tienes en mi
Now, in my final hours in Glasgow, i can't wait to get out of this town and be finally back home.
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