the christmas mood

Very few days give you as much of a sense of time passing as Christmas. I've spent all of the Christmases in my life pretty much the same way and with the same people. The family population has fluctuated somewhat with divorces, marriages, new partners and new-borns but somehow the core of the day seems to have remained the same. As i was again reunited with people i see once a year, on this day, people who've seen me grow up and who have a sense of who i am, my slave life seemed as far away as it could possibly get.

Yet, in my my mind i knew and i hadn't forgotten that i've offered myself to a new owner and upon my return to London i will start making arrangements to meet my prospective new owner.

It's very soon after things ended with my Glasgow master so this stirs mixed emotions in me. I do still have some remaining loyalty to my previous owner which in a way disposes me quite badly towards anybody new staking ownership claims over me, but at the same time, this is someone who intrigues me and who seems very serious about making me his slave. His desire to make me his hits straight into my desire to be taken in hand by a man and after a weaker contact with my previous owner, his coming on a little stronger makes for a welcome change.

The other day he said something that really got to me. Something to the effect of training me "to look after all his needs". I've been trying to understand why a seemingly normal sentence has had such an impact on me. It hit home 100%: there's the idea of having a defined role that involves not only blindly obeying but "looking after", being responsible, to ensure my Owner's needs are met - it's like taking away from him the need to worry about his needs being met as they're entrusted to someone, his slave, who cares about them just as much, maybe more, than he does. On top of that, there's also the concept of those being "all" of his needs, the utopian ideal of the slave fitting perfectly around a man's needs becoming and extension of his body and mind and reaching this state of bliss in the knowledge that his owner is entirely satisfied.

That's the kind of slave that i am and those are the kind of things that get to me. I don't really care about begging for punishment. Punishment implies a dissatisfied owner, so it couldn't be farther from what i want. I want to be moulded into being exactly what my Owner wants, so that he can look at me and proudly think: that's my boi.