know what you want

They say you've got to know what you want. Masters say that all the time. Personally, I don't know what i want but i make up for that by having a fairly good idea of what i am. Knowing what you want is overrated. Doesn't that negate the essence of what it is to be a slave? People get annoyed about me not being sure of what i want. But isn't that what makes me what i am? I don't necessarily go after what i want. Not always. Sometimes the anxiety caused by going to see a master is such that i feel physically sick and i have to take drugs to return to a normal state. Not illegal drugs but chemical substances nonetheless. My body is stressed out at the idea of the performance and doesn't always react too well. Then why do you go through with that? Because when i put on the plates of a scale my anxiety and a master's satisfaction, there is no doubt in me which of the 2 forces i'll be happier giving in to.