o. v. e. r.

All good things must come to an end. Unfortunately even those which have barely had time to start. On the day that i found my Master again, and that i heard his voice for the first time, i also lost him again and probably for good.

The silence had reasons, the absence from slave4master did too but what cannot be explained is how i can be this man's slave when i can never see him. As things seem set to get even worse with a jealous, possessive boyfriend in the picture that he is soon to move in with, it seems time to call a spade a spade and admit that this is never going to happen.

The hard decision was taken in a chaos of calls that kept coming from a friend who i haven't spoken to for over a year. Calls that i kept missing so that i could keep talking to my master. The master that i felt so meant to serve, that i wanted so badly to belong to, in spite of the impossible distance, and that is now disappearing out of sight.

Once again i'm in this situation. It makes me angry with myself and it leaves a massive void inside of me, like a bite taken out of me, a void that i know far too well, that pulls everything destructively into it and that it's hard to even want to try and fill with anything else. The pain is silent and sharp and hurts inside my stomach.

The weekend that i was meant to meet him, that he was supposed to pick my collar, look into my eyes and make me his own, the weekend that i had waited for so impatiently for over a month, he will spend on a holiday with his boyfriend. Talk about a let down.

I look at myself now, at the body that i was training according to his requests, that i was keeping the way he wanted. I look at it and its meaninglessness sickens me.

As the chat was ended abruptly by him getting disconnected and i finally picked up the phone to stop the incessant series of calls, my eyes swelled up and with a broken voice i spoke to my old friend and told him about the man who had now gone.