(uri)nation

i can't piss in front of people. i realised this several years ago coming to this country where urinals are almost ubiquitous.

i think i used to be able to when i was younger, before i somehow began associating so much with the act of urinating until it became something that i felt was, in certain situations, precluded from me. Of course i do evacuate but i just can't stand next to other guys in a public toilet and piss, no matter how badly i need to. Just like with fucking or other activities involving others and that are geared towards climaxing, it's something in relation to which i feel more comfortable being in a supporting role – and if that's not the case, i just feel uncomfortable and out of place.

i guess it's linked with what i perceive as making a man a man, what makes me admire men and want to serve them. i do love to look at men piss, especially those who do it so well, without thinking much of it, as though it were something easy to do. Or those who are comfortable being serviced and having their pleasure taken care of. They whip their cock out and use it comfortably – something i cannot do.

This is probably one situation where being too much in my own head is having the better of me but i can't really do anything about it. It's not like i haven't tried. i still try to, sometimes, if i'm alone in a public toilet, i make a point of using the urinals instead of the cubicles and if someone comes in after i've started i can generally see it through. But just as i get cockier and try that with someone else standing not too far from me, there's just no way i can relax whatever muscle i have to relax to get the flow started.

Do i mind? Well, it certainly would be practical in certain situations, like when i'm bursting and there's no cubicle available but, the way i see it, this is yet something else that reaffirms me in terms of what i am and what is meant for me and clearly standing next to other men pissing as an equal in a men-only environment is not for me.