some days are harder than others to get through. Ironic how you wait the whole week for the calm quiet of the weekend and suddenly that quiet has become the noiseless void that you can't stand leaving unfilled.
i've disappointed my owner. i had to ask him to stop. i felt so embarrassed i just wanted to quit. Leave and go home. But i couldn't continue, i just felt overwhelmed by the deepest sadness and loneliness. it was like being alone at night in the middle of a field, with the air all cold and humid, not a soul around for miles and no clue where you are exactly.
That was the feeling in me a few days ago and today i have this pain eating at me from the inside. It feels very lonely inside my head. i have a need for my master to come and invade the whole of me with his presence, chasing out all of this from me. But i know that you can't always rely on external forces to sort out the shit you've got going on inside your head and at some point you yourself must learn to reckon with the ghosts in your closet.
But decisions and active life choices are something that leaves me feeling somewhat powerless most of the time. i just need a little guidance.
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