the de-fetishised fetish

I thought further about what i wrote yesterday about pure and simple work. I think i have eroticised the non-erotic, and made a fetish out of managing to remove any classic fetish element. The enormous appeal is in the normality of Dom/sub dynamics where service is the key and any "gear" becomes completely redundant and unnecessary. Almost a distraction. I must admit the theatrical still has a way of capturing my senses and my mind. Collars, manacles, whips, they do get my attention but so does a confident dominant man who wants to get head when he wants to get head and wants his shirt ironed when he wants his shirt ironed. And maybe i don't need to be plugged when doing this, i just need to get the job done right for him.

Some time ago i was reading a story by one of my favourite online writers, and the character in the story was very convincingly arguing how a man cannot be expected to always appear the way a gentleman is expected to if he doesn't have slaves to wash and iron his shirts, press his trousers and polish his shoes. All these things take time and a free man can't be expected to have a job, where he has to appear at his best, and have to worry about such chores.

Now beyond the fantasy, would i leave my job and become a stay-at-home slave? i wish i could say that i would, that i had the freedom of mind required to do something like this. Or rather, i wish i could meet the man who'd make me want to leave everything for him. In the meantime i've internalised too much of this society to be able to pull off quitting job, friends, family, relationship, to become the proper slave that i dream i could be.

Yesterday a man talked to me about internal enslavement. I was familiar with the concept and he thinks it's for me. It certainly is on a metal level but i'm starting to be tired of my inability to embrace my "call". If it's really me, i should be able to make it my reality instead of flirting with the thought without ever really making it happen for real all the way. I'm paralysed in my own inertia perhaps waiting for someone else to operate all these changes for me.