winter

The blog has become alien to me. My slave self is being held in void space, unable to move in any direction. unable to feel, suffer, rejoice, grow, develop. Perhaps it's sleeping the winter months somewhere else and will come back to visit at some point in the future.

Everything in my daily life at the moment seems to lack any intensity or depth. my soul is starved of nutrition. My boyfriend is here for a few months, my Master is somewhat absent, my therapist thinks i need to see her 3 times a week, my gym programme is not challenging, my job is as invigorating as narcotics and the weather is dull.

i saw online that C is seeking a live-in slave and i suddenly missed being under 25. i felt sad. somewhere within me seems to be engraved the notion that a slave has to be under a certain age, whatever that age is, to be appealing to an owner and i resent the passing of time and the human body's innate longing for decay.

i listen to music and let these winter days and winter moods pass me by with their lazy, unremarkable ways.