self-drive

Yesterday my friend Marcus and i started talking about control. He was saying how a slave craves to be controlled by his Master. Somehow the concept didn't quite register with me. Something about it left me uncertain. Do i want to be controlled? I'm not sure that i do. In fact i suspect that being controlled too rigidly is what makes me want to run away. Marcus maintains it's reactance and there's possibly some truth in that but I sense there's more to it than that.

Sure, i would like a Master to have control over my life but not necessarily to control it. The difference i see in these two statements is that whereas the first describes a Master's involvement and final and, i should say, unappealable decisional power over a slave's life, the second seems to hint to a constant pain-staking passing or denying any decision a slave has to take in his life. It's kind of like bondage: i do like the idea of being helpless and vulnerably exposed but i would rather be free to serve and work to please my Owner. My service to my Master is something that i'm happy to offer as a tribute, a gift to symbolise and materialise my devotion to him, it's not something to be enforced every minute of the day, something which, i should add, must require a lot of work on the Master's part.

I suppose i prefer a model where I'm free to move and take decisions that put my Master's needs and interests at the core, instead of being told which foot to get up on.