the last days of the therapy?

For the last couple of months I've been trying to quit my therapy.

I've been in therapy since September last year. After being depressed and a tad suicidal for a few months, my GP put me on antidepressants and I found myself a psychotherapist. Due to my and her schedules, the only time available to us was early in the morning, so for a year now I've been seeing her twice a week, at 7am.

I never understood whether she was quite right for me, if in therapy, like in love, it has to click, or if things were slow and monotonous as a result of my own slow and monotonous personality. Whatever the reason, i always felt that the therapy wasn't quite working. I started because my desire to be a slave had become somewhat overpowering, to the point that it was causing me to consider breaking up my relationship to simply live as a slave, i guess that, in my hazy depressed moods, the borders between fantasy and reality had started to look somewhat blurred.

Over time, however, the focus of the therapy has shifted to other issues but it's also become less interesting and challenging. It's all turned into little more than a habit: one I've decided to break out of. So for a couple of months now I've been trying to stop my therapy. I have mentioned that I want to stop seeing her and she has declared her opposition to this. She thinks this is possibly the worst possible time for me to stop the therapy, with my boyfriend having left and my depression just below the surface. It appears she seems to fear a major crisis if I stop.

Is she right or is she wrong? Does she see things I don't see or has she, as I've suspected for some time, not got me at all? Some people tell me she looking after her money. I don't think that's the case, she might even be right in saying that I need this therapy, I've just decided I don't want to do it anymore, I want to spend that money on things I enjoy doing rather than looking deeper into my darker areas.

I must sort of agree that my depression is not completely gone although I've sort of stopped thinking of it in terms of depression but more in terms of a depressive nature. I'm a melancholic type with longings, insecurities, desires i'm unsure how to respond to and generally in need of some leading figure in my life.

Does this mean I have to undergo a lifetime of psychotherapy? I've decided not and the end is approaching at the end of this week.