back

My master is back and is fine. i feel stupid having felt so concerned but i had no idea what to do.

With my previous long-term owner, things ended pretty much this way. For a long time i didn't see him. Over this period he kept saying that he still wanted to have me as his slave and he was just busy. i was happy to wait because his declared wish to own me was enough to fuel my already strong desire to belong to him. Unfortunately after an absence from my life of almost three months he "came clean" and told me he didn't want a regular slave anymore.

Over this 3-month period, people had told me "what are you waiting for, just change your profile to say you're available" but i just felt i couldn't do it. If i was to be set free, i felt he had to do it, he had to tell me or at least i had to ask and he had to ok it. i couldn't just go and say "ok, whatever, see you around". But i didn't want to ask to be set free, because i didn't want him to set me free.

So it came as quite a disappointment when he informed me about how he felt and told me that he had been hesitating to tell me because he was feeling badly about it. i felt i had waited all along for someone who hadn't wanted me as a slave and i ended up feeling very low as a result.

My current master's silence brings with it echos of this past experience and although i'm happy to wait while i'm not needed, all those past insecurities and fears of abandonment are being stirred up. i understand the need for me to deal with those without expecting that he should do it for me but i can't help missing him and feeling the weight of the distance. These days it feels like he's very far.